Thursday, January 19, 2006

when to let go?

How long do you hold onto things "just in case"?

We would love to have more children. We are open to life. Both boys are miracles, and came after years of infertility. We had decided we would grow our family however God saw fit, and I was blessed with 2 easy pregnancies.

C was born 12 weeks to the day after I found out I was pregnant. No, not premature . . . just a mom who ignored the signs because she had been told she'd never conceive on her own.

Then, N was conceived before C was a year. Woo Hoo! Another blessed surprise.

It's been 18 months since my miscarriage.

How long do I hold onto the baby items and baby clothes . . . just in case??

My very dear friend is expecting her first child in June. I have offered her SO many of my things -- the pack 'n' play, my expensive breast pump, clothes, high chair, booster, diaper pail, exersaucer, the crib B built for C, the dresser B built for C. It felt good to know that they would be used by someone who cares for us and that we love.

She and her husband decided they wanted their own crib. I totally understand, but that leaves me wondering what to do with these 2 hand-made cribs that we have? Do I sell them? They're currently stored in the garage of my parent's 2nd home, and maybe I just leave them there until that 2nd home becomes their primary home.

I cried yesterday going through the baby clothes. I have 3 women very close to me expecting boys in the next few months. I'm trying to sort the outfits into 3 piles and part of me wants to pack them all back up and keep them! But, another part of me tells me that's selfish. These clothes should be passed on -- I *know* that, but it feels like I'm giving up or something.

I'm not giving up. We've never been willing to go to extraordinary means to conceive, and with 2 healthy, wonderful boys - I'm not even willing to use fertility meds to try and conceive again. (Not that they worked, anyway - we spent almost 15K and 2 years with no results. C was conceived 2 years after any treatment.) I truly leave it up to God.

Sometimes I just wish I could have a glimpse of what God was planning.

Before I give everything we might need away . . .


  1. Anonymous10:30 AM

    I would keep your very most favourite things and give the rest away. That being said, as soon as you do, you'll find yourself pregnant again.
    No kidding.
    You obviously can get pregnant.
    I had a miscarriage before Rocky and one after Rocky. 41, 43 and 45 years of age.
    Don't give up, Melanie.
    I don't know how old you are...but maybe God wants some space between your last one and the next one because maybe the next one will be a whirling dervish!
    Who knows!?
    God bless.

  2. You're right, Alexa. We keep joking that as soon as we give it all away I'll get pregnant. We held onto a minivan for 2+ years in anticipation of another child - and a couple months after selling it, I WAS pregnant (later m/c).

    I'm 38 - so it's definitely a possibility. Time will tell!

  3. Just catching up on your blog, Melanie! I sold and gave away almost all of my firstborn's stuff when it became apparent that we wouldn't be getting pregnant again as soon as I hoped. It didn't make sense to move and store it all from house to house, and besides, things like car seats had expiration dates. Four years later, I'm scrambling to find the basics again. But you know what? I'm glad to start fresh. It's slightly more expensive, but a lot of fun to rejoice in her upcoming birth!


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