One Year

Today marks one year since my dad died.  I sat here for about 10 minutes trying to decide what phrase to use -- passed on, passed away, took his last breath -- but in the end, the simplest word seemed the most appropriate.  My dad died.

I wasn't sure what grief was going to look like this past year, but now I know.  It was the sudden pangs in my chest, the burst of tears when I would think of something to tell him, the overall ache of realizing he was truly gone.  I felt that I was somewhat prepared for his death, and I still think I was.  He was suffering, he had lost so much of his brilliant mind at the end, and he was struggling. I know that it was his time, even though it feels like it was much too soon.  But, what I wasn't prepared for was the complete lack of his presence. I wasn't prepared for not being able to talk to him. I wasn't prepared for not being able to hear his opinion on things. I wasn't prepared for him not being here.  I was just prepared for the moment of his death -- not all the moments of my life without him.

And I realized that grief is pretty much a solitary thing.  At least it has been for me.  My journey is mine -- just as everyone's journey is their own.  That's not to say that I haven't received support, for I have.  But the grief my mom has dealt with losing her partner of almost 50 years is much different than mine -- or even my sister's or my brother's grief. I'm grateful that my husband has been here with me and for me.

In the end, life for everyone else has gone on. I wish I could say that I've had some epiphany and embarked on some grand journey to honor him -- but I haven't.  I've just gone on with my life, caring for my family, myself, and working.  Thoughts of him are with me every day. I've honored him by remembering him, by telling my children about him, by keeping his memory in my heart.

Today I will go to work -- teaching Adobe InDesign to a group of people.  I'll probably cry in my truck a bit.  I'll come home, check in on my mom next door, have dinner with my family.  I'll honor my dad by loving and caring for my family the best way I know how -- just as he did.

Legacy

A couple years ago, Bo bought an ATV.  And then a buggy. And then another ATV.  And another buggy.  (Okay, I don't really know all that is in the side yard -- suffice it to say we have a few of each.) He was excited; he had talked for years about wanting them to ride with the kids. I pretty much stayed out of it. He & the kids have gone riding tons of times since the first one was purchased, and they all had a blast.  For some reason, I steered clear.

Until a month or so ago. Last August, Bo and the boys took a camping trip with a bunch of buggy enthusiasts Bo met online. They had a blast, but I still wasn't interested. This year, we have the RV and Bo asked if I wanted to go. I agreed and we went as a family.

We arrived in the evening, and in the morning Nate asked if I wanted to go for a ride. I climbed into the 2 seater buggy and let my 11yo drive me out on the Cinders. (really amazing area near Flagstaff that is covered in volcanic cinders that makes it great for driving buggies & ATV's.)  He hit the gas and took off!  We flew over bumps and hills and I couldn't stop laughing.  It was an absolute joy!  The harder I laughed, the faster Nate drove, and later I heard that Bo was getting a bit concerned when he saw how fast Nate was driving.  There was no need to worry, as I was having a blast, but he couldn't hear me laughing.

During the weekend, I rode a few more times, and I drove a few times.  It really is fun, and I'm looking forward to the next time we head out.  The video above is one of the rides I took with Bo.

While riding, it brought back a vivid memory of my Dad.  When I was little (I'm thinking 3 or 4?) my parents took me to a small amusement park.  There was a roller coaster and my Dad and I took a ride.  Looking back, I'm sure it was one of those small, kiddie, roller coasters -- but to me at the time it was pretty exciting!  The roller coaster had sharp curves (as roller coasters do!) and I was convinced for years that the only reason the car made those turns was because my Dad was driving and controlling the little car.  I don't remember ever talking to anyone about it, but I knew that I was safe and I remember thinking at the time that I wouldn't ride with anyone but him since I knew he would keep me safe.   It was a great memory to have.

Today is my Dad's birthday.  He would have been 65 years old.  Nate served at Mass this morning, and the homily was about the kind of legacy people leave behind. While it brought many tears this morning, it was also fitting for the day.

I guess I'm not sure what kind of legacy my Dad hoped he would leave behind. But I do know the legacy he left.  He left a legacy of loving your family passionately and unconditionally.  He left a legacy of romance towards my mother. He left a legacy of learning and curiosity. He left a legacy of always doing your best and trying your hardest. Above all things, he was guided by love.  And, I think that's a pretty amazing legacy to leave behind.

Mooey Christmas at Superstition Farm

 We have been visiting Superstition Farm's Thursday night Farmer's Markets for a while and this past summer Nate & Lydia took horseriding lessons there.  Lydia thinks all the cows that live there are her personal friends. Every year, we visit Santa, so I was excited to see that he was visiting the farm this year.

We had a great time last night at Mooey Christmas! Not only was Santa there to patiently listen to the kids and pose for pictures on a big red tractor, but we enjoyed being outdoors.  They had delicious hot chocolate, some simple fare from the Super Farm Truck, the petting zoo was full of goats, sheep & even a couple calves.  One of Lydia's friends came along and all the kids took a ride on the ponies with the ever-patient and sweet young girls who help with the horses. (If you go, say a big friendly hi to Maya and Makalya!)  Then, the kids made s'mores around a bon fire and jumped around on a few hay bales before we headed back home -- thoroughly pleased with our evening out.  The only thing we didn't do was the hay ride - but only because the timing never seemed to work with the kids!

If you're looking for some fun, I highly recommend Mooey Christmas.  If you go tonight (December 15) they are offering FREE admission (usually $10)  The extras do cost a little, but the prices are very fair.  (s'more kits were $1 each, hot chocolate was $1 for a kid sized cup, horse rides were $5 and pictures with Santa were $10)

You'll find the farm at the NW corner of S. Hawes Rd and Elliot Rd in Mesa (3440 S. Hawes Rd to be exact)  You can check out their website, or their Facebook page for more information about all the cool stuff they do. Say "Hi!" to Farmer Jason while you're there!

*Disclosure: Nobody asked me to write this post, and I received nothing in exchange for writing it.  As a family, we really love this family farm and I want more people to know about it!*

Phoenix Family Fun Day NSA

Nate and I attended the Phoenix Family Fun Day at ASU Campus in Tempe AZ this past weekend.  This was the third year we've attended, and it was great again!

The day before I ended up in the hospital -- thanks to kidney stones AGAIN! I was at lunch with friends, and they ended up taking me to the emergency room where I was given massive doses of painkillers and basically told to go home and wait. (Aside: I know there isn't much they can do, and I was grateful that the stones this time are small enough that they should pass easily, but I was not happy with my care this time.)

Anyway, we had this day planned for a long time, so even though I was still in pain and dopey from painkillers, I had Bo drop us off in the morning so we could attend.  It was great seeing some of the national staff, as well as seeing both of Nate's SLPs attend. (There's another component geared towards SLP where they can earn CEUs.)  We also got to meet a bunch of new people (was kinda sad that people we've met in the past weren't able to attend this year.)

In the end, I was glad we went. Nate had a good time, as always, with the kid activities.  There were 2 informative topics discussed - the new common core standards and how they will affect kids who stutter and then a psychologist spoke about coping with stuttering within a family.  Finally, Nate and I were both on a panel with adult people who stutter and we both answered questions from the audience. 

The best part, though, were the people who came up and recognized Nate from his videos, or his spots on the NSA website and newsletters.  One mom said that her son's SLP said they should come because they "might meet Nate!", and they did!  Her son's SLP had shown her son Nate's videos and interested him in making a presentation to his class.  Nate was also approached by some SLP students who said they watch his videos in class and one sweet girl even asked him for his autograph.  

We can't wait for the annual conference in July!  I'm so excited it will be held in Scottsdale so my entire family can experience the power of the NSA finally!

Jensen Project (and a Giveaway!)

*Giveaway has ended and winner has been notified! Thanks for reading and watch for more giveaways!*

Earlier this summer, I wrote about Secrets of the Mountain -- a TV movie that was a result of the collaboration between P&G and Wal-Mart.  Another movie made by them is coming out this Friday (July 16), named "The Jensen Project."  It will air on NBC at 8 / 7 Central.

It is a family-friendly, but suspenseful movie that is perfect for ordering a pizza, popping some popcorn and sitting down as a family. We love to watch shows together as a family -- and I'm excited about this one.

We received a box with a calculator, an energy orb (a ball that lights up) and some preview / background information about the movie.  My boys are already excited about it, and have been talking about finding out how the energy orb will fit into the storyline.  Here's a quick sneak peek:



We'll be watching this Friday -- will you?? 

I have a copy of the DVD and the soundtrack to giveaway! If you'd like to enter, please click here for my giveaway form.  I will draw a winner next Tuesday, July 20, 2010.  Click here to review my rules for giveaways.

Name of Giveaway: Jensen Project
Mandatory Question: What is your favorite family-friendly show/movie to watch?

Disclosure: I received the information about this movie, will receive a copy of the movie and soundtrack, and was provided the chance to give away another copy to my readers by Wal-Mart and P&G. No further compensation was provided. 

Not Too Busy

Things are moving at a hectic pace around here lately. I'm picking up more classes, learning new software, gaining more writing clients -- on top of the regular stuff of the last few years. I'm focused and determined and holding myself to strict time lines so I can fit everything in.

But? When my 6yo says "Hey, Mom, can I read to you?" I drop everything and say "Absolutely! Let's go to the reading spot right now!" I don't want to stifle his new-found desire to read. When my almost 2yo brings me a book and says "Read! Book! Peeeaaassss!", I drop everything and head to the reading spot and read until she tires of sitting still. When my 8yo says "Hey, Mom! This book is really cool. Can I tell you about it?", I turn away from whatever I'm doing, look him full in the face and say "I would LOVE to hear about the book you're reading!" Then I listen and we talk about the book. Sometimes he'll read me a section.

As a parent, teaching my children to read is one of the things that fills me with pride. I never want to dampen their love of reading, and I'll do what I can to continue fostering that love.

What do you stop everything for in your family?